These days, the hashtag BOSSLADY is booming all across social media! With more and more women in management positions, and even more stepping into the entrepreneurial space—women are winning when it comes to business! In fact, according to the National Association of Women Business Owners, in 2015 more than 9.4 million firms were owned by women, and of that number, 2.9 of those are owned by women of color. Like I said, we are winning!
And, I’ve had the extreme privilege of meeting, befriending and working with a lot of women who fall into the #bosslady category! These women work hard, are passionate, dedicated and some are absolutely brilliant at what they do! But, what I’ve also found in my work as a Dating Coach, is those same incredible women who dominate in their business lives, have left much to chance when it comes to finding love. And in my opinion, that’s a recipe for disaster, ladies!
I recently spoke with a sharp sister about dating and finding love. Let’s call her “Simone.” She works as a Project Manager, is active in her church, has a good social circle, is attractive, and the list goes on and on. But when it came to managing her love life, she was pretty disengaged. And not because she didn’t want to find love, she just had not made her happiness in love a priority in her own life.
Okay, just to be fair ladies, I’ll be real and completely transparent— I know it can be hard out there in the dating world. Been there, done that! Meeting “Mr. Unavailable”… “Mr. I’m Not Ready For Commitment” …or my favorite is the guy who doesn’t understand your hustle and grind— “Mr. You’re Too Busy & Work Too Much For Me.”
Yes, ladies, I’ve met all of those guys in my dating days and before I met my husband, I dealt with some of the same challenges most of you have faced or are facing right now. These challenges were especially significant when it came to balancing my busy career as a TV Producer and raising my daughter. I just wanted to meet the nice, kind, smart, gentleman who was about his business just as much as I was about mine. Sound familiar? Like I said, I’ve been there girlfriend. I even wrote about my adventures (or should I say misadventures) in my new book, “Smart Girls Don’t Date Dumb” because I wanted to use my hard-learned lessons as a way of helping out the next single lady.
As I did with “Simone” the other day, I challenged her to make her love life a priority! No matter what I had going on with work, deadlines, or my daughter, I was adamant that I would do my very best at working just as hard to find love as I did to climb the career ladder. It wasn’t always easy, but in the end after meeting the man who completely changed my life, I can tell you it was worth it!
Okay, so what’s the plan to help you become a boss in love?
AM I READY TO BE A BOSS IN LOVE?
Well, first off, I need you to determine if you are really ready to date and fall in love? Only you know the answer so that means, going back and doing an autopsy of your past love life. Reviewing all the bones and wounded parts to make sure you’re bringing your best self to the table. You know how you make sure that outfit is fitting just right, those shoes are nice and clean, and your hair and makeup are flawless before you walking into that meeting to close your #bossdeal…yeah, that’s the kind of overview I want you to do to your past relationships. If there’s healing left to be done, that’s fine. Do the work and keep it moving.
CREATE A MASTER PLAN TO BE A BOSS IN LOVE
If you are ready, I mean really ready to date, it’s time to get to work. Think of it like a new business plan, or new product, or event you’re planning. Ask yourself, how am I going to meet eligible single men? For me, as a busy professional woman, online dating always worked for me! Before meeting my husband, I spent many years unashamedly dating online. I had never had a problem meeting men in traditional ways. However, I just didn’t have time to attend every social function I was invited to, or mingle in the clubs to find a guy.
But, it didn’t mean I wasn’t interested in being in a relationship. So, I turned to online dating purely for its convenience factor. It was like grocery shopping! Make a list of what you want in a man, and the search the “aisles” (profile pages) seeing who belonged in your cart. And in February 2015 I messaged a man whose picture and dating profile caught my attention. He was single, saved, a man of integrity, made me laugh, was a protector, a provider, and an all around great friend! We fell in love and on March 26, 2016 we became husband and wife!
Since online dating worked so well for me, it’s usually my first suggestion when I meet a women who tells me she wants a relationship but doesn’t have time for one. I give her a few tips—especially for those who have tried online dating before and have been less than impressed! It only takes a few minutes for me to decipher what went wrong. Usually they were on the wrong site for their dating goals, and they didn’t actually engage in the process of picking, and instead accepted whoever came their way! That’s a big no-no in online dating! You must be ready to put in the work. But you’re a boss, so work is not foreign to you anyway, right? So, let’s go!
Here are a few tips to help you succeed in the online space:
• Find the Best Site for Your Dating Goals (don’t just join the most popular one, actually look around first and see if anyone on the site catches your attention before paying for a subscription)
• Create an Amazing Dating Profile (be fun, upbeat and positive in your description of yourself. Use current pictures of you, and only you! Use full body pictures (especially for my curvy girls), smiling pictures, pictures of you being active, etc. Think of shots which will start a conversation)
• Throw Out your rules of Traditional Dating: (that means sending messages first; I sent the first message to my husband and it changed my entire life! If you see someone you like…SAY SOMETHING!)
• Go On Dates: (be sure you’re not spending all your time online collecting what I’ve dubbed as “digital pen pals”…actually get out and meet new people, even if he’s not “the one”)
If online dating isn’t your thing, that’s fine! But, as we say in business, “what’s the plan?”
If you’re thinking of going the traditional route, I’ve got a couple of tips for you in that space as well:
• Get Social with It: (sites like Eventbrite and your City’s weekly online publications are great to give you a list of what’s happening in your town on any given date; make a list of events which you believe may have potential mates, and put it on your books to attend)
• #IntroduceMe: (ask your friends, family and even colleagues, etc. if they know any eligible singles they can introduce you to! It worked for my parents 50 plus years ago, and recently former Destiny’s Child member LeToya Luckett
married the man she met through a friend! So, it still works, you just have to work it!)
As we ascend the career and entrepreneurial ladders, I want to make sure we also spend time feeding our hearts as well. Wouldn’t it be amazing to share all those #wins with someone special!? We all deserve someone special to call and celebrate when we close those big deals, or get that once in a lifetime opportunity! And I believe it can happen for you, if you’re willing to put in the work!
So let’s get moving #BossLady!