As a Dating Expert and Online Dating Guru, I’m often asked a myriad of dating and relationship questions by single women. So, I recently created what I call “Dear She Dates Savvy” where I take the questions these ladies have sent me, as well as my answers…and share them with the masses! The goal is to share answers very relatable topics, with the hopes of helping as many women (and men) as they navigate the world of dating! So, I’ve compiled some of my favorites to share with you! I hope something resonates with you, and if you have any questions for “Dear She Dates Savvy” send them over!
Note: Some questions have been edited for grammatical corrections, as well as to combine follow-up questions and responses.
DEAR SHE DATES SAVVY: Hey, I wanted to know what you thought about something. I have been seeing someone long distance I met online and the relationship progressed and it looked like we were falling for each other but I had since decided to employ the "no contact rule." Do you think this can get us back on track? (This is) where you go “cold Turkey” and cut them off for weeks, months or years so you can switch the table and make them chase you harder. Also, do you think I should respond to his text?
DSDS RESPONSE: Nahhhh, I don’t believe in playing those games. I believe you should state what you want. What you want is for him to make you a priority, and figure out a way to get to you, or get you to him. Right? So what’s wrong with letting him know what you want and then if he’s not able to deliver on it, you just graciously let him know you’re leaving. That way, you don’t have to cut him off...he’ll know you’re leaving and why. Otherwise, you’re just ghosting him...but still attached on your end as well because you haven’t ended things properly. As for your response to his text: Do you like this man? Do you see a future with him? Do you know if he likes you and sees a future with you? Let him know how you feel, express your concerns and see what comes of it because playing these games is getting you nowhere.
“Love & Lack of Ambition”
DEAR SHE DATES SAVVY: I am talking/seeing someone who I believe lacks ambition and now I staring to feel like I don't want to continue? Any advice? Mind you he is a great person otherwise but this thing I know can be problem considering my personality and level of ambition. And should I tell when he asks why we can't move forward?
DSDS RESPONSE: You can’t make him have ambition. And if ambition, drive and hustle are all qualities you are seeking in a man, then he’s not the one. And don’t get so caught up on whether or not he’s a GOOD guy or not...he’s a GOOD GUY. But not a good guy for YOU! As for telling him WHY you’re no longer interested, I absolutely encourage you to do that. Let him know that you have realized that you two have different levels of ambition and you’re seeking more in your next serious relationship. And be firm in your answer because he will bring up all his great qualities, and then you’ll waffle and say to yourself “well, he is a good guy, blah, blah, blah...” and then spend the next 3 years resentful towards him when all you had to do was be firm in your desired qualities in a mate.
“Dating While Celibate”
DEAR SHE DATES SAVVY: I'm such an inexperienced dater now, Le sigh. I’ve been talking to/seeing a guy for about a month. We met on Tinder and we've been on about 4 dates and he has not made a move AT ALL. I think he likes me. He better. I've had him over my house. LOL. But even then, he didn't even LOOK towards my bedroom, didn't want a tour, nothing. I'm not used to not having to fight a guy off from moving fast. He hasn't even so much as kissed me on the cheek or forehead. This might be a dumb question, but how will I know if he's feeling me "like that"?
DSDS RESPONSE: Hey Lady! Great question. So I’ll put it back on you and ask, what does your GUT tell you about him liking you? Do you feel any sexual energy towards or from him? What’s his age, status, etc.? That will maybe give some insight into why he’s moving slowly—which is NOT a problem at all. Especially if you’ve established that you’re celibate, not looking to sleep around. Ma’am, you can’t have it BOTH ways...because for some men, opening these doors of kissing and heavy petting leads to a lot of frustration when they KNOW they are not gonna get sex from you. So, only YOU will know if he’s feeling you like that. What does he say/do/how does he react to you? Hugs? Smiles...
DEAR SHE DATES SAVVY (follow up): We have hugged (LMBO, that sounds so silly saying) and held hands very sparingly, but that's about it. He says he hasn't dated in about 3 years, and does want to get married. I'm concerned that he thinks I'm out of his league, but I try not to make him feel that way. I'm trying to tame my Type A and let him lead, but it's challenging. I had to ask him what was up after we messaged ad nause
am for over two weeks and he never asked to exchange numbers. But I don't want to always take the lead.
DSDS FOLLOWUP RESPONSE: Hmmmmm...just let it have its own way. A man needs to have certain things in his life to feel like he can offer something to a woman—his money right, his own place, car, etc. So, he may not be pushing things because he knows he’s not where he wants to be. But just enjoy it for now, especially if you like him and he brings you laughs and good times. Sometimes it’s refreshing just to have someone to hang with and not have the pressure.
“No Romance Without Finance?”
DEAR SHE DATES SAVVY: I’ve been chatting with a guy and we’re both interested in one another. We were supposed to go out on a date tonight but his funds were not great to spend out. He invited me to come to his home but I turned it down because I don’t know him...
DSDS RESPONSE: GREAT decision to sit it out! You really don’t know him, and you definitely don’t want to start a pattern of giving him the easy way out of you spending time at his home only, instead of traditional dating, especially as you guys are just getting to know one another!